it hurts more in the daytime
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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