my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
