The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
