Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
