i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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