is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
