"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
