so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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