i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
