What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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