I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
