just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
