if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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