I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
