Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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