Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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