and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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