i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
