it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
