Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i permit you to call me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
