You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
