my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
A+ Viking dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
