He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
