my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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