I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
