So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
