ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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