She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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