Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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