i just google imaged poop.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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