i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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