Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
