Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
