Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
