Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
