The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
