you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
