This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i dont even know how to be here
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
