guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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