There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
