i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
