allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
