Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
