i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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