left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
