I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
