don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
