this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
