At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
