I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
