Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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