ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
