she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
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I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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