I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
