Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
