batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
