She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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