then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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