I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
