We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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