my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
