Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
