Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
