I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
