Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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