I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
