Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
