I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
