i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
