i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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