His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
