we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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