You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
