It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
