I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
