dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
