Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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